Sunday, July 29, 2012

The Dark Knight Rises (2012)

Believe all of the hype, don't scoff at the fanaticism, and see The Dark Knight Rises as soon as possible. Brilliant and powerful. Christopher Nolan is a force to be reckoned with. The Dark Knight Rises, and it's preceding chapters, define what the makers of the cinematic experience should hope to achieve.

Not only did Mr. Nolan provide a simply entertaining masterpiece, but he also successfully fills in all the gaps of telling the story of Batman where others failed fans miserably. Mr. Nolan deserves an applause and a thank you. I thought Rises would enrage me, and would provide a Matrix III type folly. Wrong. While I would hate to diminish my love for Michael Keaton, I have to say Christian Bale, at very least, now ties for the best batman. I must own the Blu-Ray.

Wonderful performances, stunning special effects, dynamic plot and characters, a screenplay executed with an acknowledged intellect of the audience, and the best f@cking movie in cinemas right now.

4.4 Stars

Don't forget to comment!

Hesher (2011)

Have you seen Hesher yet?

Hesher, the most under-rated film of 2011.

Starring Joseph Gordon-Levitt of who I am now forever a fan. Additionally, one of the first performances of Natalie Portman I genuinely appreciate. Hesher is beautiful.

I ask you please watch this film, and if it is not your thing you may be at the wrong blog. Jokes, how dare I. This is the only film blog you should be reading.

4.5 Stars.

Biff & Jaffy Do Sedona

An unofficial "Two Minute Crappy Film."

Sunday, July 22, 2012

2 Minute Sneak Peek: Dexter Season 7


For fans of Dexter who are not up-to-date on all episodes, and want to be, we cannot urge you enough to NOT watch this Season 7 preview. If you are current, we suggest that you watch the Season 7 preview now.

Again if you have not seen Season 6 of Dexter we recommend that you do NOT watch this preview. You have been warned!

Thank you,
Up Till Dawn Films


Who can wait for the new season of the Walking Dead? Not this guy.

AMC ordered 16 episodes for Season 3. It seems it will, as usual, be broken up into two parts.

That's fine, I guess, is October here yet?

Saturday, July 14, 2012

TED (2012)

TED is the type of film that makes you want to spit on a bad review, or fellow coffee shop patron that pretentiously talks shit about the comedic timing and the disappointment Charlie Chaplin would express.

Mark Wahlberg does an awesome job (as usual,) the bear is freaking hilarious, Mila Kunis does Mila Kunis beautifully, superb writing, watch it over-and-over factor through the roof, and generally a great time. Thank you Ted.

A local critic, from a very popular publication, decided to review the film as though she orginally intend on viewing the Titanic in 3-D re-release. Up Till Dawn Films and friends would like to say, "Shut up bitch, you don't know what you're talking about."

4.3 Stars.

Editor's note: Comments, questions, disagreements? Please feel free to comment freely, just please don't post porn or spam. Even shamless self-promotions are ok with us, just no bullshit, you dig? Anonymous comments and attempts to troll are permitted as well. Don't forget to click the 'ted' poster to pre-order the Combo Pack!

American Reunion (2012)

American Reunion recently arrived on DVD and Blu-Ray.

While I urge audiences to view this film, it is more a matter of my need to understand why this movie was not better. I am so confused.

I've never been a huge fan of The Pie Series, but I certainly remember seeing the first in theaters as a teenager.

The film, like many of the time, pushed a spectrum of boundaries and themes that was still not all that common at the time. I do not feel that American Reunion should have been a groundbreaking film, but it could have been better.

Stiffler was cool.
He could have been a lot cooler. The movie could have been a lot worse, but it also could have been a lot better. You get the point.

2.9 Stars.

Friday, July 6, 2012

V is for Zombie (2012)

The 2-Minute Crappy Film Series!

Episode #3:
"V is for Zombie"

This 2-Minute Crappy Film is extra special. We didn't watch the film, Vengeance of the Zombies, in its entirety, but the piece is simply cinematic genius.

Unfortunately, they did not follow the Up Till Dawn Films two-minute-max policy for crappy films. We gather the presentation would have received a Grammy or something, if only...

This piece of crap was so splendid we did not even have to outsource for the soundtrack. Everything needed some rearranging and trimming, but otherwise the original was a work of brilliance; overlooking the original length.

Take caution: this installment of the Up Till Dawn Films: 2-Minute Crappy Film Series! punches the psyche and is not for the feint of heart.

Copyright 2012. Burning Empire Media. All Rights Reserved.

Thursday, July 5, 2012

On Grass (2012)

Up Till Dawn Films: 2-Minute Crappy Film Series!
Episode #2: "On Grass"

In our second installment, of the Up Till Dawn Films: 2 Minute Crappy Film Series!, we combined a crappy anti-marijuana propaganda film with some pro-tobacco propaganda.

When we finished mixing the ingredients in the blender a sensationally crappy pro-marijuana propaganda film poured out onto the screen.

The elusive Haight Ashbury Pimps re-worked and provided the soundtrack for this one. Enjoy!

Copyright 2012. Burning Empire Media. All Rights Reserved.

Check back soon for more of:
Up Till Dawn Films: 2-Minute Crappy Film Series!

Poster prints for sale soon too.

Piranha 3DD (2012)

Click to watch now!

Freaking awesome! I do not feel the need to explain what an individual should plan for when about to watch Piranha 3DD or "double-down." Even the title concept screams ridiculous nonsense, but I say, "okay."

A highly offensive tidal wave of naked madness. Piranha 3DD is a bloody mess of late night horror genius and fun. I love it.

Wonderful casting surprises, and almost as good as the first.

In very few theaters still, so convince your date to buy or rent this one when available, or watch it now on demand!

 3.9 out of 5 Stars.

Hell's Kitchen (Season 10)

People seem quite surprised when I discuss my undying love for Gordon Ramsay or when I say, "I need to go home an watch Hell's Kitchen." I am generally not a proponent of television in general, but is the fucker truly avoidable anyways? What about HBO? What is the core definition of television?

While I want to be as hardcore and punk as possible, television is merely a raped format that has the potential to be just as artistic as the silver screen, only usually smaller. Additionally, I find television satisfying my artistic requirements quite often.

However, with acknowledged hypocrisy and love, I must assert an overriding philosophical, "Fuck you" to television viewers and networks in general.

Hell's Kitchen is no exception, but Ramsay's awe-inspiring ways of verbal abuse and lawsuit worthy treatment of people causes my body to erupt in a fantastic tingle of joy. The show's increased abuse of post-editing manipulation of timeline and exaggerated intensity of things to come is completely and totally fucking blasphemous. However, they are an amazing tool for keeping a film editor's sense sharp, so ultimately, again thank you. And don't even get me started on the Fox Network, corporation, little Rupert, etc.

Full Seasons less than $13.00

These are the moments that our less-than-strict policy and adherence to passive voice come in quite handy. Awful closings are also fun.

Anyway you slice it, whatever Gordon has on the menu for the evening may not be cooked to the standards of artistic perfection, but the meal is quite satisfying.

Buy the man's cookbooks!

 Hell's Kitchen:
3.5 Stars

4.7 out of 5 Stars

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

God Bless America (2011)

I wanted to see this movie as soon as I heard about it. After, listening to Bobcat discuss this film on The Joe Rogan Experience podcast my excitement tripled. Zed did not disappoint this audience.

Now one of UTDF's top five must see of 2011, God Bless America is a true patriot's film. Violent, offensive, bloody, vulgar, excessive and totally on point.

Bobcat Goldthwait is not only a hilarious screaming maniac but also a true master of his craft.

3.9 Stars.

Reprogramming v1.4

Little 4th of July ditty brought to you in part by UTDF!

Monday, July 2, 2012

Coming Soon - The Man with the Iron Fists

 Hell yeah, hell yeah, hell yeah!

Produced by Tarantino. Written by the Rza and Eli Roth. Directed, starring, and featuring new music by Rza. What more can a little boy ask for?

It looks visually stunning, it feels fun and exciting, and I cannot wait. I seem to be lagging on my up-to-date information of films coming out, but I do not mind. It simply means that I have to wait a shorter period of time to see the film. This film must be seen in theaters.

Supposedly, the release date has yet to be announced.

You May Not Kiss the Bride (2011)

Well this one is starring some dude and some chick. The chick looks stunning sometimes and others simply plain. The dude, I don't know, I think he's been in some other chicky type films, but I really cannot know for sure. The film also stars Bob Schneider and Tia Carrere. The duo plays cousins, and helps to keep a viewer planted in their seat.

Rob was funny, and playing some sort of Puerto Rican was certainly the best part of the movie. Vinnie Jones plays the bad guy, and the film paradoxically makes Vinnie seem not even slightly scary.

I am fully aware of the fact that Vinnie would kick my head off in person, but You May Not Kiss the Bride does not house one of his finest performances and within he is more of a bitch boy than a thug. I can not think of an instance in which I would recommend You May Not Kiss the Bride, but I also would not piss on the cover if I saw it in public.

2.4 Stars

Exit Speed (2008)

Buy the DVD cheap!
I'm not even going to finish this one. I sure it is a wonderful film, but as soon as the motorcycle gang arrives I realize that I am not ready for this thrill ride of action and adventure. While conducting an intensive plunge into the annals of cinema and entertainment, I ran across Desmond Harrington's face (co-star of Dexter and also had a recent role in Justified--both two of my favorites.) I pondered Desmond's resume, and curiosity took control. I did not recall him in much previously, so I looked up his filmography.

Season 1-5 Only $120!

Also starring Lea Thompson (Howard the Duck,) the film seemed as though I would  be swimming in unknown waters, but I figured, "What the heck." However, I quickly realized that I do not have time for Exit Speed.

Additionally, while Desmond seems like a cool guy, I can wait to see him this September when season seven of Dexter begins.

No rating. Incomplete viewing.